Friday, April 30, 2010


I would love to be surprised with winning the lotto one day, or a more possible surprise, maybe would entail a trip to foreign place like Greece.

I have always loved any surprises having to do with the expression of love. Such as, an announcement of an engagement proposal, announcing a birth, an unexpected gesture of affection like a hug or kiss, gifts for no reason, random acts of kindness, and anonymous giving. Finding out later that somebody that cares about you did something for you without wanting recognition--just did it because they love you & they knew it would make you happy.

I also enjoy other surprises that life has to offer. Such as, exciting adventures, good humor, inspiring stories, being affected by a song, cutting edge technology that is helpful and user friendly for me, travels, being moved by art, tasting a new recipe that makes my taste buds dance, attempting things that I wasn’t aware could make me happy &/or ever imagined I would be able to accomplish.

However, I am not a fan of negative surprises, such as, finding out that I have some heavy metal toxicity, in addition, to Lyme’s disease. I want to say No thank you, and I will pass on accepting this surprise. Unfortunately, I have to accept it because it is the only way I will be able to deal and release it.

There is a stark difference, from when I became ill and was barely able to function in every day life, to now being able. I strolled into the doctor’s office on Tuesday, actually excited to share with them that there has been a noticeable difference in my symptoms. I wait patiently for the doctor after the nurse asks me routine questions and then takes my vitals. The doctor, finally, comes into the room. He takes a seat, and situates himself. My eyes glance down at the folder he brought with him. The rather large folder contains my chart, my blood work, my other diagnostic test results, and the doctor’s notes. I’m thinking to myself, for the first time, all he has to write down in my folder is that I have made progress; instead of our usual, which is me explaining to him what new symptoms I was experiencing and how I feel worse.

The doctor asks how I have been feeling for the past month, and I respond with my exciting news. I explain to him a list of things that I am able to do now. Moreover, how happy the list makes me. The list I shared with him was that I am able to do more things for myself, doing more things with my friends and family, able to do more things for my husband, take Kaya on walks, clean and organize my house, go to the store, cook and bake, daily chores, run errands, and I started yoga. In addition, I started this blog, and working on another blog. I was surprised to see that he did not even crack a smile to my exciting news. Why is my doctor not sharing my enthusiasm for my progress? He answers this question, without me even asking, that he is shocked with everything that I am currently able to do. He went on to express that I need to cut back on the list of things that I am doing so that my body can reserve the energy needed to continue to fight Lyme’s and start chelating therapy to rid heavy metal toxins. I know about the Lyme’s part of my situation. Did he really just say that I have heavy metal toxicity stacked on the Lyme disease? Yes, he sure did. What a bummer!

I have had so many tests done that I did not even remember that I still had some results that were pending. Ugh! I realized in that moment that this appointment was not going to be as easy, positive, and short, as I had anticipated and hoped. This is a bummer!

The doctor handed me a copy of my test results, and then we went through everything one by one. I am fortunate that I have a doctor that always spends so much time thoroughly explaining the answers to my questions. Granted I do not always want to hear the truth, but nonetheless, in the end I am happier that I know the truth.

He sent me on my way with this new knowledge and scripts, so I could go over to the lab for some routine blood work before they closed. I also managed to forget that I had to get the blood work done, which totally smothered my plans to attend a yoga class. Oh well, there is always tomorrow to feed my new addiction to yoga.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Possible Positives?

Currently, life is pretty darn good….considering. I am truly grateful for this recent development that I have been able to notice. However, this new development has begged me to ask myself the following question: Is it actually possible for anything positive to come from such a horrible disease? I have explored the answer to this question, and I would like to share my findings with you through this posting on my blog.

I would assume there is a direct correlation with how I feel inside; and how I view, think, and feel about the past, present, and future. This does not mean that I do not still feel the constant pain and other symptoms, all day long, everyday; caused from the vicious bacteria known as Lyme disease.

The bacterium Borrelia burgdorferi invaded my body. It was as if, it had its very own a strategic plan to attack my body when it was aware that my defenses were down. I do not feel as though this was very fair, but what was I suppose to do? Was I just going to sit there and let it kill me? No, I made a choice to fight back. However, the production of stress incurred by my immune system from this invasion really knocked me off my feet. It was as if the bacteria itself, was larger than I was and sucker punched me in the stomach.

I will attempt to illustrate for you what I have experienced. It feels like, it is sucking the life right out of me, as I try to deal with all the damage that this blow has caused and left me with. Fatiguing my mind and body, and bringing me to my knees begging for mercy. The nausea and vomiting caused by the pain and dizziness that I experienced, was worse then I could ever imagine. My core is feverish, while my extremities feel like I have no protection from artic winds. Not able to sleep for the pain is too severe, and yet, not being able to wake from this crazy nightmare.

As I sit here trying to explain my experience to you, I realize something. The unsettling realization that will not go away is that I feel frustrated. I am guessing this is because I know my words that are attempting to shed light, so that others can understand, are not able to serve justice. In addition, the lack of awareness in the world about this disease proves, also, frustrating for me. I find this point extremely frustrating, because of all the time, effort, and money my husband and I has given was, for the most part, a costly waste. Doctors/specialist, blood tests, and various other expensive diagnostic tests could have been avoided, if the doctors would have the proper to knowledge so they could consider running the blood test to determine if the bacteria for Lyme’s was present. I am not bashing or angry with the doctors/specialists. I am furious with our government, in regards, to Lyme’s disease. I feel that the government carelessly refuses to provide proper, proven treatment for Lyme disease covered by health insurance. I find their ignorant regulated rules for this judgment are ridiculous.

However, all the pain that I have endured has been able to donate a better understanding to me for people that are suffering from the unfair “hard knocks of life“, therefore, allowing me able to give more compassion.
I am happy to report that the pain that I have experienced from this nasty bacteria attack, has also served to help me in another way. I have realized how incredibly lucky I am. This realization magnified for me, right after, the attack on my body that knocked me down. I know without a doubt, now, that I have family and friends (this includes my husband’s family and friends) that love, care, support and encourage me. I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude and appreciation to all that have blessed me with this realization.

In conclusion, the deliverance of positives to me from such a negative situation has been life changing. These positives have been such a blessing for me; I hope our government will be able to benefit from the same positives as me. God bless America!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The purpose of my writing, AKA, my mission statement

I married the love of my life back in September of 2009:) A month after getting married, my world turned upside down due to an illness that disabled me. My issue was that I had no idea what was causing me to feel this ill, and, therefore, was not aware of a solution. This only served to create many negative feelings for me, such as, confusion, anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt, and fear.

Over the course of several months, I received numerous inaccurate diagnoses, saw various doctors/specialists, and felt like I had every blood test ran that was humanly possible. Talk about exhausting! Finally, I was able to reach the correct diagnosis, and start proper treatment for Lyme disease.

Doctors prescribed antibiotics and supplements for my treatment. As I started and continued to follow the treatment plan, I found that I was feeling worse and worse, as time went on. The appearance of new symptoms and the progression of severity and duration of my old and new symptoms, proved to be unbearable for me. To put it lightly, I was not particularly fond of these new developments.

There is not a definite treatment or cure for Lyme’s due to lack of awareness, controversy, and variables with patients, doctors, and treatment plans; therefore, not providing me with a great deal of security about my prescribed treatment plan.

I decided I have two options. First option, I could choose to let this disease continue to control my life, and hope that my doctor’s treatment plan would someday help me. This puts all the responsibility of my recovery on my doctors and a treatment plan, which may or may not help me, making me feel uncomfortable. Okay. So, what is the second option? Second option, I could choose to accept the reality of the disease and my situation, figure what my options and resources are that I have available, and realize what I am able to do, along with my prescribed treatment plan by the doctors, to accelerate my recovery. I feel more comfortable with this option because I am taking responsibility in my recovery, and feel like my treatment plan is more complete.

The purpose of this blog is to document my journey during my recovery from this debilitating disease. I hope my blog is able to raise awareness about Lyme disease. In addition, I hope that my story is able to help other people that may be in a similar situation. I realize and understand what I have done that has helped in my recovery, and what has not helped my recovery. I understand this disease affects everybody differently, and what worked for me, may not work for you. I want to share my story and realizations with other people that may be in a similar situation. I hope my blog is able to spark some ideas, inspire and motivate others. At this point, it does not hurt to try, and you never know until you try, right?

This is my story with trying to face, understand, and deal with Lyme disease.

Friday, April 16, 2010

I think I am in love...

I have always heard about the benefits that yoga provides for the mind, body, and soul. The benefits that I heard about inspired me, over 10 years ago, to give yoga a chance. However, when I originally tried yoga I was unable to receive all these benefits, and could not understand what all the rant & rave was about. I gave up on yoga and decided to pursue cardio and strength training.

For the past 7 months, I have not been able to workout due to my illness; which for me is torture since I enjoy how it makes me feel and look. Just recently, I have noticed that my treatment for my illness has shown enough improvement for me to gain back my desire to workout. I have, also, noticed since I have been ill, that if, I push myself too hard, too fast and/or too much that I pay dearly for it with more severe symptoms for the next week. I realized that I needed to ease back into working out, and be gentle with myself. I was curious to see if yoga could satisfy my want and need to workout, and be gentle enough for me. To my surprise, yoga was able to satisfy my want and needs. As if that was not enough for me, I was able to receive all the other benefits that I had always heard about, which inspired over 10 years ago to entertain the idea of yoga.

Why is it that I am able to receive all these benefits now, and was not able to receive these benefits 10 years ago? The only difference is the temperature in which I practiced yoga. 10 years ago when I attempted yoga, the temperature in the room was in the lower 70’s. Recently, when I decided tried yoga again, the temperature in the room was in the upper 90’s.  I believe this difference in temperature has been able to aid in my Lyme disease recovery. In addition, continue to improve on my focus, clarity, self-confidence, flexibility, cardio, and strength.

I never in my life believed in yoga. Now, thanks to the introduction to HOT yoga, I have a newfound appreciation for yoga and myself.