Friday, April 23, 2010

Possible Positives?

Currently, life is pretty darn good….considering. I am truly grateful for this recent development that I have been able to notice. However, this new development has begged me to ask myself the following question: Is it actually possible for anything positive to come from such a horrible disease? I have explored the answer to this question, and I would like to share my findings with you through this posting on my blog.

I would assume there is a direct correlation with how I feel inside; and how I view, think, and feel about the past, present, and future. This does not mean that I do not still feel the constant pain and other symptoms, all day long, everyday; caused from the vicious bacteria known as Lyme disease.

The bacterium Borrelia burgdorferi invaded my body. It was as if, it had its very own a strategic plan to attack my body when it was aware that my defenses were down. I do not feel as though this was very fair, but what was I suppose to do? Was I just going to sit there and let it kill me? No, I made a choice to fight back. However, the production of stress incurred by my immune system from this invasion really knocked me off my feet. It was as if the bacteria itself, was larger than I was and sucker punched me in the stomach.

I will attempt to illustrate for you what I have experienced. It feels like, it is sucking the life right out of me, as I try to deal with all the damage that this blow has caused and left me with. Fatiguing my mind and body, and bringing me to my knees begging for mercy. The nausea and vomiting caused by the pain and dizziness that I experienced, was worse then I could ever imagine. My core is feverish, while my extremities feel like I have no protection from artic winds. Not able to sleep for the pain is too severe, and yet, not being able to wake from this crazy nightmare.

As I sit here trying to explain my experience to you, I realize something. The unsettling realization that will not go away is that I feel frustrated. I am guessing this is because I know my words that are attempting to shed light, so that others can understand, are not able to serve justice. In addition, the lack of awareness in the world about this disease proves, also, frustrating for me. I find this point extremely frustrating, because of all the time, effort, and money my husband and I has given was, for the most part, a costly waste. Doctors/specialist, blood tests, and various other expensive diagnostic tests could have been avoided, if the doctors would have the proper to knowledge so they could consider running the blood test to determine if the bacteria for Lyme’s was present. I am not bashing or angry with the doctors/specialists. I am furious with our government, in regards, to Lyme’s disease. I feel that the government carelessly refuses to provide proper, proven treatment for Lyme disease covered by health insurance. I find their ignorant regulated rules for this judgment are ridiculous.

However, all the pain that I have endured has been able to donate a better understanding to me for people that are suffering from the unfair “hard knocks of life“, therefore, allowing me able to give more compassion.
I am happy to report that the pain that I have experienced from this nasty bacteria attack, has also served to help me in another way. I have realized how incredibly lucky I am. This realization magnified for me, right after, the attack on my body that knocked me down. I know without a doubt, now, that I have family and friends (this includes my husband’s family and friends) that love, care, support and encourage me. I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude and appreciation to all that have blessed me with this realization.

In conclusion, the deliverance of positives to me from such a negative situation has been life changing. These positives have been such a blessing for me; I hope our government will be able to benefit from the same positives as me. God bless America!


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